By: Jeshua DeJesse/Senior Writer
Ladies and gentlemen!! We have a winner!!
This is going to be a short review because the new Red Velvet Oreos are perfection. This isn’t sarcasm. This isn’t a joke. Red Velvet Oreos have reinvigorated my drive in life. They are my favorite Oreo to date; I can toss the original Oreos to the side now because by comparison they look like hot, street trash. Goodbye, Doritos. See ya, Cheezits. There’s a new junk food in town, and it is too big to have anyone else even approach it. To be honest, it feels like human civilization has all built up to the creation of the Red Velvet Oreo. I think we found the meaning to life. I don’t care about those fools who say, “Laughter is the best medicine,” or those jerks who think real medicine is the best medicine. No!! Red Velvet Oreos are the best medicine; they also make a pretty good tool. I have not come across a problem in my life that I haven’t been able to fix with Red Velvet Oreos. If your parents are angry, just give them an Oreo. If your dog recently died, eat an Oreo. If World War III does happen, all you have to do is give little Kimmy an Oreo.
If I tried to describe what these impeccably delicious morsels taste like, I would be doing all of humanity a disservice. My words would just dilute the unbelievable flavor these cookies hide in their red shell, just like milk does. Do yourself a favor, eat these cookies plain because their taste is anything but. I don’t care if you’re allergic to any ingredients in Oreos; you need to go buy Red Velvet Oreos as soon as possible. Drop your plans, drop your baby, and go pick up these cookies. Now!!?