Sunday, July 12, 2020

The Power of Spinny Chairs

By: Daniel Tierney/Webmaster

On the surface, determining the power of a spinny chair seems extremely simple. Power is the rate at which work is done, and can easily be found by dividing work by time. Naturally, the unit would be kg · m²/s³. To save some stress and writing space, scientists decided to call the unit for power the “Watt”, after Scottish inventor James Watt. The information above may raise a few questions, such as “How does one measure the force exerted on a spinny chair? What is the actual certainty of the amplituhedron? Is the universe fundamentally deterministic? Does the author of this article exist or did my own perception of consciousness generate these ideas?” The simple answer is thirty-five, a common tetrahedral number preceding thirty-six and following thirty-four.

However, power in this context does not refer to the rate at which work is done. It actually refers to the abstract representation of the ability to cause change in other beings, which is very similar to physical power. A person with power or authority, like a teacher, often has more power than a room full of students. It must be stressed that power is a limited resource. Not everyone can be powerful. For every bit of power that one entity gains, another must be loosing it. Ideally, leaders of countries have power because the people willingly give up their own in exchange for government protection (Described in some ways by John Locke’s social contract theory). Nevertheless, there seems to be one exception in the rule: power is apparently generated whenever a student sits in a spinny chair. If social power is a conserved resource, where does one possibly draw power from when sitting in such chair?

Further research indicates that only students experience this sudden presence of extra power upon placing themselves within the confines of a rotating chair with wheels. In fact, most teachers seamlessly transfer from location x into an advanced rotational chair without showing the slightest change of emotion. One teacher has never noted such a phenomenon and had to actively compare experiences to even reach a conclusion. When prompted, sophomore Morgan Mansfield stated, after some thought, that sitting in a spinny chair did indeed make her feel somewhat special. Jessica Marvin, the ideological provider of the basic question of this article, was enlightened while utilizing such chair for the very purpose of idea making (A purpose which was fulfilled, if you ask me.) One teacher noted the comfortability and practicality of the aforementioned seating device, although failed to connect to any excess emotional power.

Thus, the extra power that students experience when seating themselves in a circular seating system must be a result of a distinction between students and teachers: the ability to influence a classroom of students. In comparison to teachers, most students are extremely similar. A large majority of students act as their teachers tell them to, whether they like it or not. Upon the sounding of the bell, students rush from the classroom into the hallways, with nearly every door swinging open at the same instant. By the time a student reaches high school, these standard procedures have been engraved in their minds. Rarely is there ever anything out of the ordinary capable of drawing their attention. However, spinny chairs are a very precious and rare resource in high schools, numbering less than one per room. When a student is able to become the commander of their very own spinny chair, they become unique. Their supporting surface differs from that of their peers. It is more elegant and majestic. Sitting in such a unique seating device comes with the ability to command the attention of large amounts of students, students who have been associating people sitting in spinny chairs with power for years.

The power that a student feels when seated in a spinny chair is no illusion. The tradition of those with power sitting in elegant chairs goes back for centuries. When a student places themselves in such a chair, their mind connects them to people with power and authority. Other students make the same connection, often more likely to look at a person in a spinny chair than one in a regular chair. The power of a spinny chair is rather immense, and my suggestion to you, dear reader, is to consider the effects of seating devices wisely before placing yourself down.

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Daniel Tierney
This sentence describes Dan well. Not this sentence, but the previous. A student who often forgets assignments might compose such a statement hastily at the beginning of class. Because you can assume that, the sentence accurately describes a poor student. Thus, they have completed an assignment asking them to write a short biography. Because they completed the assignment, doesn't that mean that they are actually a good student, and the biography is wrong? The ability to overthink absolutely anything is an important characteristic of Dan. Dan also enjoys science, reading, writing, philosophizing, and creating new things.


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